A sad moment

Posted on by
Reply

That moment of life when you are just on the verge of taking a huge step and responsibility. You are eager and looking forward to take that jump. You are just so close to stumble upon it. Just an inch away to have that feeling of good change. Of a change you’ve been longing for. A change that would improve your quality of life. A change that would satisfy you mentally and emotionally. Then an event, a power, a karma… or whatever you call it… That thing just barges in and fuck everything. You go back to where you started. You go back to that lonely, sad, and pathetic period of your life… down to the deepest ocean of sadness.

Life…

The early morning bird!

Posted on by
Reply

Ever thought how different you are from everyone else? In some occasion it gets even clearer how unique we are on our own way. How distinguished we could be on our ideology, behavior, response… etc.

Earlier today I came to work early as usual, signed in with my finger prints, then went running upstairs to my office floor. People look at me astonished how active I am early morning when everybody is still drowsy trying to mentally wake up. It feels awkward when everyone stares at me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to people staring at me a lot because of how oddly I look. I’m a morning person and I like mornings. That’s a habit I built recently because I wake up so early morning to do some workouts before going to work. It keeps me fit, healthy and happy.

N, for nagging out my secrets

Posted on by
Reply

Well, I was with bunch of friends and acquaintances today at work chatting. We chat about funny stuff and and things we can talk about to socialize. But one thing I hate when someone keep nagging to know about some of my private stuff or secrets.

We keep our secrets to avoid people’s sarcasm and judgements. Sometimes we keep it because we feel that it’s part of our memory that if anyone else knows about it we will feel violated and weak. Some secrets are kept because the society and traditions do not accept it or that you think you have done a wrong thing and people will look down into you.

Anyway, long-story-short, a few guys at our chat keeps nagging a lot about things that I don’t want to spell out. My problem is that I explicitly tell them that a part of a story I am telling is secret. I shouldn’t do that. I need to find a better way to interpret my stories which is my weak point. I am very bad at socializing and giving talks and joking. I also think that one of them is starting to hate me because he sees me as a person who talks and do not give the whole truth. I hate it when people judge me!

I’m fed up!

Posted on by
Reply

Now this freaking bullshit. I give her too much attention and waste my time and redo my schedule just to spend some time with her and in return she keeps telling me that she is busy. You know what! I WON”T GIVE YOU MUCH ATTENTION ANYMORE!

Yes that was the problem. I give you much attention that you do not deserve. You know what… you don’t freaking deserve me. You don’t freaking deserve my time. Don’t call me and don’t bother me anymore. Life is too short to waste my time on this ‘hard to get game’. I am off!

Choices

Posted on by
Reply

Why do we allow ourselves make bad choices? There is always a good choice and a bad choice, or a good choice and a better choice. Why sometimes, knowingly, we choose the worse decision. We spend a lot of time thinking about the future, but when a chance come to make a choice either for a good future or a better one, we sometimes irrationality choose the good easy simple route rather than a better route but a little bit harder. It’s like spending my whole looking for a taxi, but after spending long hours searching I find one but then I do not take it. How stupid!

I’ve made a lot of bad choices. I have sunken to self agony a lot for doing such choices. Sometimes I get blinded pulled into a bad choice. I don’t make a lot of bad choices, but lately I’ve made a bad choice that would affect my life for the long run.

 

I love winter!

Posted on by
Reply

I admit it, I’m obsess with cold. I like cold weather, so naturally I like winter. I like how the cold weather feels on my skin and how I inhale smooth cold air into my chest. Of course we all get that ugly flued going off our nostrils and all the sickness, but besides that I like everything about winter.

I like it how all those white clouds hovering above us and screening the sun from us. I like it pours rain heavily that makes it fun to drive. I like it how the sky looks like with the combination of sun rays and clouds scattering all over.

People at work come to me and say how crazy am I driving my car with the top down on a 15-5 degree Celsius. That’s the perfect time to have the top down instead of summer and all the hotness.

Another thing I like about extreme coldness is how people get lazy which tends to make it a quiet season. Less shouting, less moving around, less people come over and talk a lot and bother me.

Weekend to end!

Posted on by
Reply

It’s cold outside, about 6 Celsius right now and I’ve just opened the windows to taste the coldness we are having. Before going to bed and shutting my brain off, I’ve decided to write this post.

Today is Saturday, last day of the weekend and I feel satisfied. I spent most of the weekend reading, learning, and watching videos. This weekend was a hit and left me with energy to keep me feeling up at least for the next dew days. What a constructive weekend!

So I’ve continued doing my typical readings but much more than the usual. When I say my typical reading, I mean my regular reading of blogs, news and novels. I’ve also completed reading the novel “A Dance With Dragons: A Song of Ice and Fire” by George R. R. Martine. What an amazing book with lots of epic events happening around the fantasy world covering two large continents.

I’ve continued learning and improving my skills on Photoshop to be a better webpage designer. It is not easy to procure and improve a designing skill. I don’t have that extra vision that some designer have to come out with creative ideas and designs you. I”m good at programming but I also need a good designing skill to be a good web developer. And to land on a better job, I think that improving my designing skill is a most. So I’ve spent big portion of the weekend doing and reading tutorials.

I’ve also spent part of the weekend watching movies and series which makes up most of my entertainment pastime. Underworld: Awakening is now on cinemas and I want to watch it, but before doing so, I need to re-watch all the previous ones first because I forgot the whole story. So I saw Underworld and Underworld Evolution. I still need to watch “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans” before watching Awakening because I haven’t seen it yet. I am not fan of Underworld and I don’t like those kind of fantasy movies but I don’t want to miss that movie anyhow.

So I believe my weekend turned out to be a constructive weekend. I feel good and energetic. Too bad this weekend is ending and I’ll have to wake up tomorrow morning to go to work. But I look forward for the day as I’ve got bunch of ideas I’d like to try at work. I’m also looking forward to hangout with a friend just after work. I think we going to have lunch in a restaurant to decide later on. A movie is also a welcome idea!

We satisfy our flesh, but forget our spirit!

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes I get the feeling that we are created to satisfy ourselves. I’m not saying that that’s our main and only objective to life, but it should be part of our daily life. I think we as a  human being, we need to nurture our soul and fill the void within. It’s not like I’m doing we are living just to fullfill our physical selves, it’s more than that. We need to dig deep into our inner beings and feel comfortable with living.

Look at the suicidal rate our world has stumbled upon. It’s going sky high and there is no stopping it. It wouldn’t stop if people keep thinking about the materialistic world and forget their soul. I don’t know about ya all, but I haven’t heard people talking about honor, loyalty, beliefs… etc. It’s like the world has been shifted from a balance life to a materialistic life. Look at home people think about money all the time. Look at how long people spend working and how less they spend their time with their selves, alone, meditating and thing or at least with their wives and husbands and families.

I have a friend that believe that money is the most important thing on life. We have dug ourselves too deep in the materialistic world and we no longer nurture our souls. I think we all can see how people are praying less and we’re seeing more and more atheist people even her in Kuwait! We’ve got a lot of duchbags, a lot of gays and tomboys.

Hell, even women nowadays are taking the roles of men. I see families supported by the job of the woman, not the man. The man instead of going out to work and make money to support the family, he spends his time at home like a housewife and his wife go to work and make the money. How the hell the world has turned upside down! This is making me believe that by far, we are living on the peak of our decay!

They say “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”, that’s because we haven’t nurtured our soul and we are so attached to our flesh and fell easily on the tiniest temptation. I hope we can recover from this damnation!

I’m pissed off…

Posted on by
Reply

Yes I confess! I’m trying to stick to a certain caloric intake and healthy meal plan. But sometimes I just feel like eating fast food or something rubbish. Take this morning for example, my plan was to eat 1200 calorie tops for the day but I ended up eating Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich meal (YES A MEAL!) from Burger King. I was just craving for something tasteful during my 1 hour break at work! I told the clerk to give me a bottle of water instead of Pepsi but she told me that I’ll have to pay %20 extra because the water is not part of the meal, so I’ll have to pay the full undiscounted meal price. So I went for the Pepsi. Like it’s not bad enough eating an unhealthy 1000+ kcals meal. Oh dear God!

After modifying my diet intake of the day. I have no choice but to skip lunch and eat a light dinner and protein to balance my diet. I have just texted my mother and told her not to cook lunch for me! I hope I’ll be able to stick to that plan until the end of the day. That’s a total of 1350 kcals for the day. A good result at the end.